Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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