hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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