Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
