don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
