you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
