whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
