I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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