dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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