I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize