i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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