96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
