i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
