my shit smells like andre
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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