I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
