I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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