i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
