When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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