I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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