tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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