the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
