I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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