I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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