i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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