We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
