I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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