and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
