He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just tell him i said nine months
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
