Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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