he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
