She is in my trunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
