if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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