I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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