just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
