i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize