It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I touched a dick in church today
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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