Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
