the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
