Nicole vs. Life
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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