Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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