Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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