Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
