my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
