fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
