is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
