i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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