I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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