I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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