I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
