Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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