Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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