"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
