he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
