Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
