I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
not ubering you a puppy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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