You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
