She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
