I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
