i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
