her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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