WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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