you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
