well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
