i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
