Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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